Religion Today

The list of names reads like a who's who in evangelical Christianity: Osteen, Jakes, LaHaye.

But the focus of a ministry conference in Florida next week isn't megachurch pastor Joel Osteen, or televangelist and filmmaker Bishop T.D. Jakes, or best-selling author Tim LaHaye of "Left Behind" fame.

Rather, it's their wives: Victoria Osteen, Serita Jakes and Beverly LaHaye. They're each planning to address more than 2,000 women, from all 50 states and more than 20 nations, at the Free to Soar pastors' wives conference in West Palm Beach, Fla. Thousands more are expected to watch parts of the meeting at 80 satellite locations across the nation.

Organizers bill the conference, set to begin next Tuesday, as the first-ever global event to help pastors' wives deal with a full-time job - typically unofficial and unpaid - that is often fraught with unrealistic expectations, constant demands and even loneliness.

"Most pastors' wives just don't feel qualified. That's really a sad situation," said Lois Evans of Dallas, president of the Global Pastors' Wives Network. "And the guilt that they feel can be immense, simply because they are expected to have it all together."

She's organizing the conference along with network founder Vonette Bright, who started the international ministry Campus Crusade for Christ with her late husband, Bill Bright. Bright also founded the Global Pastors Network and the wives' network is an affiliate of that group.

Victoria Osteen, whose husband preaches to more than 25,000 worshippers each weekend at Lakewood Church in Houston, is a familiar face on the church's nationally televised services. For the mother of two, being a pastor's wife means never buying groceries without someone watching what you're putting in your cart - or what you're wearing.

"I do try to sneak out in my ball cap and a jogging suit on a Saturday," she said, chuckling. "It seems like I always get caught."

Osteen said her message to pastors' wives will be: "You can't do everything and you can't be everything to everyone, so prioritize your life. ... The first thing on my agenda is my relationship with God, then my relationship with my family, and then, of course, the congregation."

Evans - wife of Tony Evans, senior pastor of the 7,000-member Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship in Dallas - said training and mentoring have long been available to pastors, but are just now being offered to their wives.

Seminaries have held leadership training courses and retreats for women. Pastors' wives have started newsletters and Web sites to share the challenges and rewards of life "in the fish bowl," as the home page of www.pastorswives.org refers to it.

But the Florida conference marks the first broad-based effort crossing racial, cultural and denominational lines to reach out to pastors' wives, said Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, which represents more than 50 denominations with 43,000 congregations.

"There's no one personality that everybody's gathering to hear," said Haggard, pastor of the 11,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colo. "There are Baptists and Pentecostals, Americans and people from other nations. I think it's going to be incredibly powerful."

His wife, Gayle Haggard, has a new book, "A Life Embraced: A Hopeful Guide for the Pastor's Wife." In it, she maintains that ministry life shouldn't be about enduring challenges but about embracing joy. "It's really a wonderful role and not a pitiable, sad role," she said.

But often pastors' wives are thrust into the role without proper training, Lois Evans said. She recalled her own experience 29 years ago, when suddenly she was expected to be a gifted teacher, a perfect mother and a spiritual leader with all the answers.

She was unprepared for it.

"I played the piano, so I was safe with that," Evans said. "But I did not fit into a whole lot of other roles. But my husband made a startling statement to me one day. He said, 'Lois, I want you to be yourself.' I think that's exactly what the Lord wants you to do as well."

Roughly 5 percent of senior pastors in American Protestant churches are women - so there are pastors' husbands as well - but organizers consciously decided not to make the conference about pastors' spouses.

James Davis, president of the Global Pastors Network, said the reason wasn't that the network includes bodies such as the Southern Baptists, who believe the Bible prohibits ordaining women as pastors. Organizers simply felt that pastors' wives have different needs than pastors' husbands, he said.

"It's not that we're trying to neglect the husband whose wife is a pastor or a minister," Davis said. "But we had to make some fundamental decisions about this conference and what it would be about."

Stephanie Wolfe, whose husband, Jack, is senior pastor of the 700-member Calvary Christian Fellowship in Duluth, Ga., said she sees the conference as an opportunity to network.

Wolfe, who founded a ministry for pastors' wives called Mates in Ministry, said she can't always confide with people in her congregation. Sometimes, they're the reason she needs to vent.

"Like I always used to say, I had two children that were biologically raised by me, and I have now about 700 that I'm responsible for and that I shepherd and I mentor," Wolfe said. "I don't think people realize the weight of ministry. I love those people, so when their husband dies or their kids are in jail or they are sick physically, I carry that."