Milwaukee, USA - Pop, pop, pop, Chandra Frazier heard repeatedly as she dove under a chair during a church service a year ago. Her friend Terry Ratzmann fired bullet after bullet from a 9 mm semiautomatic.
Within a minute he hit 11 people, including a man sitting above Frazier, and then used the 22nd bullet on himself. He killed seven people in all March 12 in the group's meeting room at the Sheraton Hotel in Brookfield, a suburb west of Milwaukee.
Frazier, 32 dodged the bullets but _ like other survivors of the rampage _ was left shaken.
She still has nightmares. She jumps at the sound of popcorn popping. She couldn't enjoy the Fourth of July.
She left the North Carolina-based church for a similar congregation, the United Church of God.
"I felt that there is something missing _ those people that died," she said. "They are constantly on my mind when I am there."
Ratzmann, a 44-year-old computer technician, left no suicide note or clear motive for why he walked into the service on that cold Saturday and decided to murder his fellow church members. Among the seven killed were the pastor, Randy Gregory, 51, of Gurnee, Ill., and his son, James Gregory, 16. The pastor's wife, Marjean Gregory, 52, was wounded.
In the year since, many in the congregation have forgiven Ratzmann, who had been a church member for more than 20 years. Most of the about 50 members still attend the Saturday services, now at a different location.
Six months after the shootings, Waukesha County District Attorney Paul Bucher concluded Ratzmann targeted the pastor and his family and then randomly shot others. Ratzmann, who lived with his mother and sister, felt the church was responsible for his depression and impending job loss, Bucher said.
Church member Tom Geiger, 57, became a spokesman of sorts for the intensely private group shortly after the incident. He felt the media and others were unfairly targeting the Charlotte, N.C.-based Living Church of God, which places a strong emphasis on using world news to prove these are end times, to be followed by Christ's second coming.
Geiger was close friends with Ratzmann, and his son was sitting next to his 15-year-old nephew Bart when Bart was shot and killed.
Geiger has written a book _ "Martyrdom in Milwaukee" _ he hopes to distribute by the anniversary. He said he wrote it to help people understand the incident and the church, but it was also cathartic for him.
"It really helped me to purge the negative, between talking to the press and writing the book," he said.
He hopes to get local bookstores to sell it and plans to make it available on http://www.martyrdominmilwaukee.com. He is publishing it himself and just hopes to break even with it.
Reliving the day to write the book wasn't easy, he said.
"I go back and reread my own book and it hurts me, it brings back fresh the details of what happened," he said. "I lost my nephew and a host of good friends, all in one fell swoop. It was a horrible, gory scene."
He said fellow church members have had mixed reactions about the book, but most who have read it or parts of it support him.
J.D. Crockett, director of business operations at the church's headquarters in Charlotte, wouldn't comment on the book.
"We have not discouraged him or encouraged him in this situation," he said.
Crockett said he plans to speak at an anniversary service, which will be combined with the congregation in Chicago.
The shooting hasn't affected the church's practices or preachings, he said.
"What happened there was an aberration," he said.
The congregation has a new pastor and the regional director has made extra trips to help members, Crockett said.
"Our little congregation there is stable," he said. "They are still hurting. They are in a healing mode. They are getting on with their lives."
The church has collected and distributed $33,000 to the victims and their families, according to the church's Web site.
District Attorney Bucher said law enforcement uses the incident to train in coordinating efforts of multiple law enforcement agencies. Bucher said his county didn't have enough crisis response workers for the shooting. So Bucher, who is running for state attorney general, is now pushing for a statewide crisis intervention team. It would include crisis intervention workers from multiple jurisdictions to help in times of emergency.
Loni Oliver, 46, whose 15-year-old son Bart was killed, said she, her husband and her two older sons still miss Bart.
"It is getting better," she said.
She said members still discuss the incident.
"When you get together it just kind of naturally comes up at different times with different people," she said. "That's how we are working through it. We just talk as we feel the need."
Most people forgave Ratzmann, she said.
"I was never angry at Terry. I have actually grieved the loss of Terry because things were so bad for him," she said.
The person who lost the most, the wife of the pastor, Marjean Gregory, still attends meetings, Oliver said.
"She seems to be physically fine and she is actually holding up remarkably well," she said.
Frazier's mother, Ella, said the stress weakened her immune system and worsened her allergies. But the 62-year-old said looking back on the incident is easier now. She and her husband remain members of the congregation, which she says has become closer.
"I think we realize that you are not safe anywhere and you have to be close to God," she said.
Chandra Frazier said that despite her continued anxiety, time has healed some of her emotional wounds.
"I am definitely taking life more seriously than before," she said.