Accountant Judith Stegman, 49, praying in her basement in Haslett on Friday, considers herself married to Jesus and says she's no longer defensive of her decision to remain chaste. In fact, she wants to celebrate the beauty she sees in it. Sunday marked her 12th year of consecrated celibacy.
Judith Stegman wants to reclaim the word "virgin" from the jokes, satire and stigma.
When people ask whether she's married, the 49-year-old Haslett resident replies, "Yes, and no."
"I'm not married to a man, but I'm far from being single," Stegman tells people. "I'm a consecrated virgin in the Catholic Church."
At a time when virginity is getting the Hollywood laugh-track treatment -- the movie "The 40 Year-Old Virgin" opened Friday and was No. 1 at the box office over the weekend, raking in $20.6 million -- Stegman wants to celebrate the V-word for its beauty and integrity.
"An important part of being this," she said, "is not to be afraid to say it."
But it took even Stegman a while to do so with a serene smile.
"I'm not remaining a virgin because I'm repressing some part of sexuality, or giving everything to my work, or refraining from loving relationships," Stegman said Friday. "I'm invited to a loving relationship with Christ."
What's a consecrated virgin?
About 1,500 women worldwide are recognized by the Catholic Church as "consecrated virgins living in the world." They take vows of chastity, but are not members of a religious order. They follow a life of prayer and must support themselves financially.
The practice dates to the church's early centuries, when there were no convents and women chose a life of spiritual alliance with Jesus rather than marriage.
Today, a woman who has not willingly or knowingly engaged in sex may ask a bishop for permission to pursue this vocation. After study, she is consecrated in a special ceremony at which she wears a white dress, symbolizing her life as a bride of Christ.
More information is at www.consecratedvirgins.org.
She is one of about 160 women in the United States, and seven in Michigan, who are consecrated virgins. They are members of a little-known ministry that dates to Christianity's earliest days.
These women pursue a spiritual vocation, but not as members of a convent or religious order. They work as teachers, nurses, lawyers or, like Stegman, certified public accountants. They support themselves, follow a life of prayer and, in the words of Catholic canon law, are "mystically betrothed to Christ."
On her left ring finger, Stegman wears a silver band fashioned to resemble an ancient oil lamp. It symbolizes her betrothal to Jesus Christ and evokes the imagery of the gospel parable about 10 virgins, five of whom had lanterns lacking oil. Without it, they were unready for the return of the bridegroom, a symbol for Christ.
Getting comfortable with calling
Raised in a Catholic family in Cincinnati, Stegman, the oldest of six children, said she was inspired by the nuns who taught her. She dated in high school and at Michigan State University in the 1970s, but found it never as exciting or fulfilling as her girlfriends did.
She flourished as an accountant, but struggled with how to nurture her religious calling. Then a friend pointed out an article about consecrated virgins in a journal. She approached the Diocese of Lansing, studied with a spiritual director and began praying the Liturgy of the Hours, which all priests and religious sisters say daily.
But even when she was consecrated in a Lansing ceremony at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in 1993, Stegman had trouble embracing the language. The invitations to the rite and breakfast reception didn't mention the word "virgin." Instead, guests were invited to celebrate a "commitment to a life of celibacy in the Catholic Church."
It took years of prayer, meetings with other consecrated virgins and experiencing the respect others showed her before Stegman was more comfortable discussing her calling. Now, she prays formally several times a day at a private chapel in her basement, a room decorated with religious paintings and miniature stained-glass pieces propped up against a window.
By special permission of the Lansing bishop, Stegman prays before a tabernacle that contains the Holy Eucharist, the consecrated communion bread that Catholics believe is the body of Christ. The triangular cabinet was built by Stegman's father, gilded by a sister and adorned with handmade wooden religious symbols by a friend who is a Catholic deacon.
"It's a distinct privilege to have it in my home," Stegman said. "I want Christ in my home. For a consecrated virgin, it's like having her spouse at home."
During the busy tax season at her Lansing office, she'll close the door, light a candle and take 15 minutes for prayer. She sits on the finance committees of the Diocese of Lansing and her parish, sings in the church choir and is a board member of the Michigan Catholic Conference, the policy-making arm of Michigan's seven Catholic dioceses.
A position of honor
Still, she said, the vocation is "one of being and not of doing. ... It's more of who you are in relation to God."
At St. Thomas Aquinas parish in East Lansing, active parishioners "know of her and hold her in high regard for the witness of her life," said the Rev. Steven Mattson, associate pastor.
When five men, including Mattson, were ordained to the priesthood in June in the Lansing diocese, Stegman recited a reading to showcase her little-known vocation. Mattson said there are similarities between the role of the diocesan parish priest, who often lives alone and without the community of other priests, and the singular nature of Stegman's calling.
While there continues to be a sharp decline in the ranks of priests and nuns in the Catholic Church in America, there are about 1,500 consecrated virgins worldwide, with the largest contingents in France and Argentina. There are no consecrated virgins in the Archdiocese of Detroit. Stegman said two women currently are preparing for the rite in Michigan.
She is president of the U.S. Association of Consecrated Virgins, and is paring back some of her accounting work to focus even more on her faith. The association's Web site, www.consecratedvirgins.org, is maintained by a consecrated hermit in Oregon. That's another rite open to men and women who choose a life of solitude and prayer. Church officials say there are significantly fewer consecrated hermits because of the difficulty of finding a means of support.
Stegman celebrated her 12th anniversary as a consecrated virgin on Sunday, a day she spent in solitude and prayer.