NEW YORK (Reuters) - If Sadiq's father knew his 19-year-old son was gay, he would kill his son and then himself, Sadiq believes.
"My dad would shoot me and then commit suicide," said Sadiq, a quiet, neatly dressed Palestinian who is attending college in the northeast United States.
Being gay in the United States has never been easy.
But being gay and Muslim, especially after Sept. 11, 2001, is a unique act of defiance requiring homosexuals to defend their religious identity in the face of an increasingly suspicious U.S. government and sexual orientation amid hostility from the conservative Islamic community.
Many would rather deny their sexuality than sacrifice family, friends, culture or religion by coming out of the closet.
But some gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Muslims are finding a safe haven in Al-Fatiha, a Washington, D.C.-based group founded in 1998 to provide support for those who want to reconcile their sexual orientation with Islam.
"I am a practicing Muslim," said Sadiq, who did not want to reveal his last name. "I don't want to chose between my culture, my family and being gay. That is why Al-Fatiha is helping with the religious and spiritual aspect of it."
Sadiq, like many other Muslims who are not ready to tell the world they are gay, said he has nonetheless come a long way. "Now I am able to come to terms with myself," Sadiq said, attending his first Al-Fatiha meeting this month.
Before, he said: "According to Islam God is against (homosexuality) and it is unnatural, so I thought it was a mental illness."
Being able to speak for the first time about being gay and Muslim during the regional meeting in New York -- with the first openly gay Imam -- was a relief, he said.
KORANIC INTERPRETATIONS
Imam Daayiee Abdullah, who is based in Washington, D.C., and one of three Islamic clergymen worldwide known to be openly gay, spoke recently to a group of about 70 Muslims in Al-Fatiha about a more liberal interpretation of their religion.
No matter who you are, the most important rule in Islam is to worship God, he told them. "While imams segregate those who aren't like them, and turn their backs to queer Muslims, I want to help the community," he said. "...God accepts everyone."
Religious scholars say Islam's prohibition of homosexuality rests on the story of Lut in the Koran, also known as Lot in the Bible's Old Testament. According to some interpretations, God destroyed the city after residents demanded Lut turn visiting men over so they could have sex with the strangers.
Abdullah disagrees with that interpretation. But for traditional clergy such as Imam Omar Abu Namous of the Islamic Cultural Center in New York, homosexuality is condemned by God. "The Koran is against any homosexual relationship. It says that God is against male with male relationships as well as woman with woman," Abu Namous said.
NOT AN OPTION
Although it has been a good year for gays in America as court rulings, media coverage and religious institutions have brought homosexuality even further into the mainstream, many gay Muslims remain fearful.
There are many more homosexual Muslims in the United States than the 700 members of Al-Fatiha. Many gay Muslims do not get involved because they can't deal with their sexuality, said group founder Faisal Alam, a 26-year-old of Pakistani descent who lives in Washington, D.C..
Members like Sadiq said they are far from socializing or being in a relationship while struggling to reconcile their two identities, even though the group's chapters hold social events, discussion groups and regional retreats for members.
The group has chapters in New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Washington, and affiliates in all major cities in Canada. Most of its members, who are primarily male, were born abroad in Middle Eastern or Asian countries.
Some plead for Al-Fatiha's help, especially those seeking asylum and fleeing persecution by their families and their home governments, Alam said.
"We get requests from Muslim countries all the time," he said. "There isn't much we can do while they are there, but once they are in the U.S. we provide a letter of support documenting discrimination and we connect them with lawyers that do pro bono work."
Muslim Arabs and South Asians in the United States have also felt a backlash after the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks. Many have been deported or have left because of concerns they will be discriminated against.
For gay Muslims, going back to their native countries is not an option. In Egypt, 21 men were arrested in 2001 and convicted earlier this year for "practicing sexual immorality," a local euphemism for homosexuality. Of them 17 were sentenced to three years in prison.
"Before Sept. 11, I had to defend myself being gay, but since then I have had to defend being Muslim as well," a member of Al-Fatiha said. "If I was strong before, I am stronger now."